KAA: You Know!

Just two days after Young Life camp, we packed up for another week of camp, this time for our middle schoolers.  Tired but excited we took our 10 hour journey to southern Missouri to Kids Across America.  This Christian sports camp is known for being hype and giving kids the time of their lives while pointing them directly to the Ultimate Source of joy: Jesus Christ.

Not only did our kids have fun in the 90+ degree weather, but many commitments and re-dedications were made in their faith.  On one night in particular, called "The Cross Talk," the kids were shown an amazing skit and depiction of the crucifixion of Christ.  Tears rolled down eyes as they poured out confessions, fears, and desires to be who they know they are being called to be.  Please pray for both our boys and girls in middle school.  School started up just today.  This when the going gets tough as they try to walk out their beliefs in their worlds.  I pray that camp was not just a spiritual high but one that fuels them all year.  We had quite the week and as the chant is frequently shouted on the camp grounds of KAA2: "At the deuce it goes down!" It went down. :)

Young Life: Timberwolf Lake

Last month our high school students attended their very first Young Life Camp: Timberwolf Lake in upper Michigan.  My co-leader CW and I took 7 of our teens to experience what Young Life calls "The greatest week of your life."  For most of our kids that standard rang true.  

From high ropes courses to tubbing, go carts to zip-lining, blobbing to county fairs, blacklight parties... ok let me stop because I cannot begin to list all of the fun things our kids were able to experience.  Needless to say not only was it one of the greatest weeks of their lives, but seeing their joy and excitement made it one to go down in the records for me also.  Though our 7 kids had already been exposed to the gospel, the Word came alive to them in new ways.  Pray for their commitments made at camp as the summer ends and the school year rolls around.  That is where the true discipleship takes place.

Though we only were able to take a handful of 7 kids this year, we're already dreaming up big numbers for summer 2013.  Pray that our high school group continues to grow, especially with the leadership of these 7.  We started a  year and a half ago with 3 kids, and hit over 20 this spring.  Though its not about numbers, the more heads in the doors, the more ears hear the gospel.  I thank you in advance for your prayers for our Young Life crew!

Chitown to Charlotte

Last week we went on our first annual (yes, we're hoping for more to come!), Charlotte spring break trip! One of our staff members at Sunshine, Sean Murphy, used to live and work in Charlotte.  Through many of his connections and friendships we headed down there for a week of fun!  7 of our teen girls and 5 teen guys loaded up two vans with 3 of us leaders.  The 15 hour trip was long and exhausting but as we arrived that night we were welcomed with open arms by our 4 host families.

The week consisted of many activities.  We went to the U.S. Whitewater Center where we conquered our fears on ziplines, high ropes courses, and rock climbing.  We took trip to a ranch to ride on a safari-like vehicle through a zoo that animals walk right up to your wagon.  We fed and touched zebras, buffalo, giraffe, cows, camels, ostriches, and many more.  It was a sight to see city kids react to wild animals!  We went on a scavenger hunt in downtown Charlotte, went to a baseball game, had an Easter Egg hunt, served at a ministry, met with other kids in Charlotte who are involved in the arts, enjoyed many cookouts and dinners, and had many other laughs and adventures along the way!

God is Surely Growing Your Girl

Growth hurts sometimes.  Sometimes He strips things away from us only to show us how powerful He is and how out of control we are.  At times He lets our hearts break, lets us be confused, allows us to feel lost only to have us release our grip on what we want and fall back at His feet.  I'm at his feet now, and the only pull I want to feel is that of His hand guiding down the path of His will.

This past year and a half have been... well, just about any adjective you can imagine.  Crazy, exciting, life-giving, tiring, frustrating, heart-breaking, lonely, nourishing, painful, etc... (See what I mean by any adjective!)  The path that Christ has led me on has been a wild journey.  The highs and lows of ministry, life, and love have not always been fun.  Sometimes, truth be told, it has sucked.  Yet, in the midst of that God has worked in my heart in amazing ways.

This past week, though our North Carolina trip and coming back home, God has truly opened my eyes to all that He has done and is doing in me.  I had a close friend come to me and commend and encourage me for the patience she sees me show with our girls. What!  That's a compliment I don't think I have ever received.  Only by God's grace because before, I have been known as one of the most impatient people alive.  He changes us.  Another friend recently told me, "Be careful in praying for patience, because He will put you in the middle of situations to really make you patient."  Prayers like this have been hard to pray but as I have prayed them, and been put in the middle of those growing situations (even through the extreme drama of my teen girls!), He is changing me.  Slowly but surely.

Surrender and Faith.  As a single woman, coming up on 25 years, I wonder what God has for this next phase of my life.  I have thought before that I had that figured out.  I tried to figure it out.  I fought to figure it out.  Yet I have been chiseled down to the ground by heartache and discontentment over the past year, only to have Christ chip away every last ugly piece of that in me.  I stand here today knowing that nothing, and as a woman waiting for a man to lead, TRULY nothing, I desire or fight for is going to happen unless the Lord puts that into play.  As I have reached this place of healing and peace, even over the past week, I see that God truly has this in control.  Restoration and progress happen when we rest in Him, allow Him to work in His timing, and enjoy what He lays out for us.

Corteasia

"They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him." (2 Corinthians 3:17, 18 MSG)


As many of you know, we just returned from North Carolina for a spring break trip (another post to come).  One of the 7 girls that we took was Corteasia.  Corteasia had never been any further than Indiana and definitely had never been on a trip taking her out of her comfort zone like this one. 


Throughout the week I could tell that God was chipping away at her heart.  On the last night at our host family's home, I huddled the girls up on the bed and we sat and debriefed the week.  They all went around sharing what their highlights were, what they learned, and how they experienced Christ.  As Corteasia's turn came around, she shared how she was beginning to feel Christ work in her our first day at church.  As we talked, I, along with 3 of our girls, were able to share the gospel with her from beginning to end.  She had been around Sunshine for about a year, long enough to have heard bits and pieces, but this time it clicked.  As I shared about the resurrection and the Holy Spirit filling us, her face lit up.  She accepted Christ that night and we had a great celebration party right then and there as the angels looked down and rejoiced with us!  


Pray for Corteasia.  Her joy is so overflowing right now and the faith of a new believer is so contagious.  Pray she stands strong and even as she is placed back in her world in Chicago, her light will shine bright. 

26.2

I can't believe I'm all registered, but YES! I am signed up for the 2012 Chicago Marathon!  October 7th is the big day.  I will run the furthest distance of my life: 26.2 miles.

This has always been on my "bucket list" (if I don't first kick the bucket from training).  :) I've done the half marathon (13.1 miles) the past two falls and so I figure it is a great time as I'm young, single, and healthy to set my goals high and achieve!  Health has been big on my priority list for the past 3 or 4 months.  From simply eating healthy and working out a ton, I have lost 22 lbs!  I feel great!

I have started training for the big day.  A woman and friend from church is a marathon trainer and I meet up with her every Saturday morning at 6:45 am to go for our long runs on the lake.  We did 9 miles two weeks ago and hit 7 again yesterday.  It feels great to know that by 9 am we have started our day out right!  Then, throughout the week she instructs and challenges me via texts and calls.  Accountability is the best!

Pray for me as I train.  Clearly 26.2 miles is a big toll on the body.  My knees need to step up their game and get ready for this long hull.  I also am going to be doing a fundraiser for Sunshine as I run, more details to come!! Until then, go for a run.  It does the body good!

"New Found Love"

Isn't it so easy to claim the word "content?"  It is so easy to look "put together?"  My pride makes me look "secure".  I'm sure many of you thought that I was all these things: content, put together, secure.

But guess what?  Not so true.  Here I am.  Single.  Broken.

Why? Couldn't I be married or at least well on my way? Yup.  Isn't that just what  I want? Yup.  I have started down the path of dating more than a time or two with this goal in sight.  Dating has taken on different shapes and forms for me.  Those of you who have been direct witnesses to my life are probably laughing at that fact.  Wow have I learned a lot.

As I was in Florida for the past few weeks, God stripped away all my prideful fronts and left my heart out, open, exposed.  All that remained was the core of who I was in Him.  In this single season of life that I have now stepped into, the Lord has placed convictions and questions on my heart that I haven't dealt with in a long time.

One of my biggest dreams is that of being a wife and mother.  I want that, but have realized I wasn't content in being single for now.  You thought I was "put together" well... not so much.  I realized I was actually quite broken.   I'm realized I was even insecure in my singleness.   To spite the numerous friendships that could be taken to the next level right now, I have shut that door.

I tell my girls all the time that until they experience the love of Christ they won't even know how to truly love.  I need to take some of that advice.  Don't get me wrong, my relationship with Christ has been growing and solid these past few years.  I have met some great men of God that I know were in His will for me to build with.  Yet somehow the door always closes.  Our Abba Father has a way of catching our attention when he is JEALOUS.  He wants all of me.  He is the one that wants to be my Lover.  No man's attention can fill that first until he is the Ultimate Source.

Sound like a lot of ramblings about how I'm feeling?  Let me say this... I need to return to the contentment, wholeness, and security that I have in Christ.  I've looked for that in the wrong places.  Praise God that he wouldn't give me the desires of my heart until my desires were first for Him.  I have no doubt that the desires He has put on my heart and love that I have found are true.  Yet, I pray that He won't give me my desire until I am found in Him alone.

 I am at a place now where my Lover has let me find love.  He first loved us.  I will first love Him.  Then that love will fall into place. Content. Put together. Secure.

B. Reith's song: New Found Love, speaks perfectly to how I feel....

I don't want to make this harder than it needs to be. 

I can complicate things pretty easily. 

I just want to be a little smarter 

With the things that I already have 

Without having to add on to them. 

I took you for granted. I wasted so much time, 

Wailed to see the vantage point because I was blinded. 

But you waited so patiently for me to come around. 

I finally found you, oh. 

I've got a new found (love) 

I've got a new found love. 

It's always been around 

I've got a new found (love) 

I've got a new found love. 

It took me until now to find it. 

I was on the verge of breakdown 

For so many years 

Searching for a love 

To drive away these fears, yeah. 

I keep looking at the glass half empty 

But oh it is so full of things 

I've never seemed to notice before, yeah. 

But you waited so patiently 

For me to come around and finally, 

Finally I found it. 

I've got a new found love 

I've got a new found love. 

It's always been around 

I've got a new found love 

I've got a new found love. 

It took me until now to find it. 

Scales cover eyes until 

The light shines through and awakens us to all we've never seen. 

What a surprise that you would find me hear and invite me to your dream. 

Yeah I've got a new found love 

And it fell out the sky like a star from above. 

Up until now I never knew what it was. 

See it came out of nowhere and hit me like a mac truck, bam. 

It was always there I just never understood. 

I was sittin' right in front of somethin' that was so good 

To the one in my affection, call it a revival. 

I held it like this, see now I need it for survival. (Play Micheal) 

(X2) 

I've got a new found 

I've got a new found love. 

It's always been around 

I've got a new found 

I've got a new found love. 

It took me until now... (to find it).

Continuing from my previous post, the second half of my time in Florida was spent in Orlando at the Marriot World Center.  This was for the Young Life All Staff Celebration which consisted of all of the staff for Young Life from all over the world.  There were over 4,000 people who came together (filling the 2nd largest hotel in the US) that all had one vision: Reaching the furthest out kids for Christ.  If you're imagining what 4,000 youth workers look like coming together for week of fun and refreshment... those images are probably dead on.

We were spoiled.  This once-every-four-years event is to show appreciation for Young Life Staff.  They did exactly that.  We had amazing speakers: Tim Keller and Francis Chan, great times of worship, amazing weather for free-time of afternoons by the luxurious pool, and even surprises that blew us out of the water.  No pun intended because that literally was the theme: Sea World.  Yes, they rented out ALL of Sea World for us for one night.  Restaurants, rides, shows, all Young Life staff only.  You should have seen our faces when he told us to get out of our afternoon session and go get on buses! :) Like kids on Christmas! For free day we had our choice or Orlando's parks, so I spent the day at Disney World!! 

I came back from this trip with a tan, refreshed, and excited for all that God is doing in my heart, and grateful for the role Young Life has played in my world.

Systematic Theology Fuller Style

I just got back from two weeks in Florida.  Yes, I escaped the Chicago tundra for and average of 80* and sunny, but the first week of my trip consisted mostly of sitting in an air conditioned conference room listening to professors.  Sound terrible? I thought it would be.

This was year two of my training track for Young Life.  After taking a Fuller class with professor Chap Clark on Adolescence, I was excited to hear that these professors were husband and wife Cathy Barsotti and Rob Johnston.  Both of them are also Fuller professors with urban experience both in Chicago and Cali.  As they stepped into their teaching and training role for the week, not only did they teach with passion and heart, but it was presented in a fresh and challenging way.

Each topic was dissected by looking at the 5 things that have shaped our beliefs and theology thus far:
1. The Bible
2. Culture
3. Tradition
4. Local church/community
5. Personal experience

Upon looking at how these contributed, we were forced to see if the views we had were right or wrong, if they were biblical or not, and forced to examine.  Not that any of my theological positions drastically changed, but this holistic approach to how and why we believe was much different than being force fed theology as I have been accustomed to.

Though this graduate level class was crammed into one week and I felt like I had my mouth up to a fire hose for some of it, it was amazing.  As I continue to dissect what I learned (somewhat forcefully through post-class assignments) I am excited to process all of this even more.

Polar Bear Weekend

A few weeks ago we rallied 7 of our high school teens and headed to to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin for our first Young Life camp experience.  We joined 400 other Chicagoland high schoolers for a fall retreat called Polar Bear Weekend.   As you can see by the pictures, we had a great time.  Some of the teens we took, who are new to Sunshine, had some of the blinders fall off and began to hear and experience the gospel.  Pray that seeds will continue to be planted in their lives as we invest in them on a daily basis.  

One of my favorite moments was when Devonte, one of our seniors, volunteered to pray at the closing session with our group.  Not only did everyone's jaws drop, but he proceeded to go around the circle and pray for each of us individually.  God is truly moving.                                                     

As we got home another one of the boys asked one of the leaders about summer camp.  He was very persistent about knowing about the price.  Our leader responded, "Well before your Sunshine scholarship it is around $300 for each of you."  Our student said, "Ok.  Well then I'm going to get a job now, and save money for my spot.  How many other spots for teens do you think that I can save for by then?"  Clearly this one young man experienced the amazing things God can do at camp.  

Sunshine Christmas Store

Dear Friends, 

    The Sunshine Christmas Store is an annual opportunity to empower low-income families who otherwise may not have been able to afford quality Christmas gifts for their children.  Donations allow our parents to purchase gifts for $0.25 on the dollar that would otherwise be too expensive at most department stores. Our main goal is to share the love of Jesus Christ and the gift of salvation that he offers to the world. However, the Christmas season can be a painful time for parents who are not financially able to give gifts to their kids.  Our Store is just one of the many ways God has given us to show Christ’s love in a tangible way. 

     This is made possible through the generous support of churches, and individuals! We are asking for your support of our 2011 Christmas Store. We are asking for new, unwrapped items for children ages 0-18. Shopping for our store could easily become an annual church Christmas tradition.  We only ask that the gifts reflect sensitivity toward the African-American community we serve and that each donation would cost no more than 50 dollars.

    We have tried to make this as easy for you as possible.   As an option, we have registered as a Target List so for you who are out of town, a gift bought online can shipped straight to us at our building. (Address Below)  Our Target LIST name is: First Name: “Sunshine” and Last Name: “Gospel”, List Name: “Sunshine Christmas Store” and be accessed online or in stores. Of course, any other purchases can be sent to us or delivered.  Items needed include:

-Toys     -Games     -Clothes     -Baby Items     -Sports equipment     -Books     -DVDs and Electronics     -Wrapping Supplies

Final Drop–Off Date: Monday, Dec 5th 2011 9:00a.m.-4p.m.

Location:  Sunshine Gospel Ministries 500 E. 61^st Street Chicago, IL  60637

Christmas Store Date: Sat, Dec 10^th 2010 from 10:00a.m.-2:00p.m.

If you have any questions, please contact me at brost@sunshinegospel.org or 773.493.0656

Sincerely,

Brittney Rost

                                                        Christmas Store Coordinator

Education

Education has been on my heart and mind.  As we work with the kids in our neighborhood, the inadequacies of education flood every aspect of their lives.  As we sit in tutoring we see many of their scores behind, yet the real wake up call as struck me as I have stepped into their schools.  Over the past year I have been volunteering at Hyde Park Academy: our neighborhood high school.  As I have developed relationships there, spent time in classrooms, the lunchroom, or built with students, my eyes have been opened.

This is Hyde Park:
-It is ranked as a level 3 school, the lowest standing a Chicago public school can receive and is currently on probation
-Out of 1,800 students enrolled, the attendance rate is 73%
-Students meeting or exceeding testing standards: Reading 20.3%, Math 7.4%, and Science 8.4%
-The graduation rate is 47.1%

I'm sure that after you read these stats you feel the same way I do, a bit hopeless, yet concerned as to the changes that need to happen.  My weekly involvement in the school seems to just be a drop of water in the vast ocean.  Yet as I build relationship on top of relationship I pray that God will give me the wisdom and guidance as to best point these kids, who seem to be lost in the system, to the hope they have in Him.

As to the kids in our programs, we have started to be proactive in their education.  High schools in Chicago work different than most places.  Kids naturally go to their neighborhood high school, which in our case is Hyde Park.  Yet, if they score well enough in their 8th grade testing, they can apply for selective enrollment schools, which are the ones outside of our neighborhood and throughout the entire city. This requires testing, applications, and parental involvement, much like what most know as college applications.

By the grace of God most of our 8th graders have scored above the bar for their 8th grade testing and have met the minimum for selective enrollment applications.  So the fight begins.  We have begun to attend selective enrollment high school's open houses.  Our first was this past weekend at Walter Payton high school downtown.

Please be in prayer for our kids who are both in the rough schools and trying to find a better option.  With a lot of prayer and a lot of fight, we pray that we can begin to change lives from victims of the systems to victors.

6:8 at Cornerstone University

3 of the guys from Sunshine have partnered together to form an artistic group called "6:8".  Mike Avery who dances, CW Allen who raps, and Pete Blodgett who is the DJ, have put together an amazing show.  Two weeks ago they had a show at Cornerstone University's Missions Week.  We went as a Sunshine Staff and took teen girls who sold shirts at the show and experienced a college visit.  Not only were we able to support our guys but the girls are beginning to get their eyes opened to what their next step of education may look like.

Here is a video of Mike doing one of his new dances at the perfomance!

Ms. Smith

As I become a part of this community and seek to build relationships, I have been so encouraged by the amazing people that have accepted me.  One of the relationships I cherish most here is that with Ms. Smith.  Ms. Smith helps out faithfully every Monday night in our Awana program for 1st-8th graders.  The kids love her, and so do I.

Ms. Smith's smile and jokes are always contagious.  I am so thankful for this relationship and all that she is teaching me.  I recently gave her our Young Life U-Turn shirt and she wore it proudly for all to see! She joked- "I know I'm going crazy.  Brittney's got this old woman wearing a shirt that says, 'Young Life'".  She surely is young at heart!!

Chicago Half Marathon

I crossed the finish line once again!!  3 weeks ago I finished my 2nd official Chicago Half Marathon!  After a few months of training and lots of cheers, I completed the race and even dropped some time from last year!  It wasn't easy.  The sun was burning my cheeks and shoulders, though it was nothing compared to the burning muscles in my legs.

I cannot begin to thank the people that came out to cheer me on! I had over 15 people at different spots in the race.  Close friends of mine, the Hamernick family, and my softball team all shouted loud and proud!! Below is a video of the girls jumping in a running a bit with me!! 

Nassi Gets Baptized

One of our teen girls, Nassi, got baptized last month at our monthly church service at Sunshine.  We headed to the beach and she publicly declared her commitment to Christ.  We have been walking with her since she was a baby, as a lasting relationship from Cabrini Green.  As she moved to the South Side a few years ago she got back in our programs.  We are excited for all that God is doing in this high school freshman!!  Pray for her and her continual growth.

SKINNY Jeans and Instantly THICK Shampoo

The inside of my new jeans are embroidered with the word, "SKINNY". My outside of my shampoo bottle says, "INSTANTLY THICK". I shook my head as I got ready in the morning and thought of the irony. I feel like the subject of BEAUTY and SELF IMAGE have been on my mind a lot lately.
What is beauty?

Worldy beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I grew up in a middle class caucasian setting. Beauty was skinny. Beauty was size 0. Beauty was something almost UNATTAINABLE. No one was ever small enough. The less curves the better. Small girls constantly had the words on their lips, "I'm so fat." In my frustration, and not wanting to feed their attention-seeking mechanism, I would reply, "Dang you are." All jokes aside, I always fought for that too.

Being a year-round athlete and in amazing shape in high school, I realized that no matter how great of shape I was in, my size 10 or 12 would never be a size 0. That was rough as a white girl when the world around me told me beauty was small.

THEN I MOVED TO CHICAGO. I remember when, for the first time, I was the only white girl in a work setting: my summer at Sunshine Cove. For 8 weeks I was the minority. During one of the first weeks, one of the girls started joking about how I was "THICK". THICK?! I thought.... excuse me? See, thick was NOT a compliment in the white world. I took offense. Yet, because of the close community we had created, these beautiful black women explained. Many people in their culture say thick is beautiful. Curves are a good thing, in many cases, a great thing. CULTURE SHOCK. This mindset was opposite of how I had ever thought. My culture told me skin and bones. Now THICK IS IN!? Look at what I had been missing out on!! Well after 5 years of being a part of Sunshine and the South side, African-American culture has been something that I identify with just as much as my white culture.

MY CURVES ARE BEAUTIFUL. I, over the past 5 years, have developed a love for my body. I laughed as I told a friend a few days ago about this mindset change. Never was I self-conscious, I was always a confident young girl, but it is crazy that from culture to culture BEAUTY CHANGES. Even from one person the next beauty is viewed differently. One black man may find a thick girl attractive while another looks to the small girl as perfect. One white girl may find a trim muscular man as perfect while the next sees the husky man with a belly as handsome. Light skin, dark skin. Long hair, short hair. Tall, short. Athletic or not.

Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

It took a culture change to show me this, but I pray it doesn't take that for every woman and girl out there. MY BEAUTIES: Know that you are gorgeous! I tell you all this daily, but the joy of the Lord and his fingerprint of Himself on you is the most beautiful thing in the world. We are made in His image... Even me and my curves. ;)

This new song by Pro shares my heart even further. Listen to him sharing his heart about the song, and then the song "Beautiful" that follows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzpL2uyO2bY

Meet Myieisha

Myiesha has been a part of our programs for the past few years, but really got involved this summer through the softball team. After being chose as one of our 7 girls to go on the Montana trip, she shares this testimony:

“I really want to thanks mrs Brittney my softball coach for letting me go to Montana... I want everyone to know that I changed and am in his Word all the way. I want to thank the pastors and the people for telling me God just don’t tiptoe he come all the way in and really came to my heart and showed me a big differences so I’m a better over looking person and read the bible and try my best to stop sinning.”

Pray for Myiesha and the other teens who through summer programs have made decisions and new commitments for Christ. We're proud of them all, it's not easy to take a stand in their worlds. They need all the prayer you can offer!

The Mountians Are His, The Valleys Are His

We all started to wake up from our road trips naps. As I looked out the window I realized we werent in the midwest anymore. Mountains! One of the girls looked out in the window in amazement and then turned to me and said, "Britt, I've never seen real mountains before." Tears filled my eyes.

This trip to Bozeman, Montana was the opportunity of a lifetime for me, but most of all, for our teens. While in there we fly fished, hiked a 9,600 foot mountain, camped out in Yellowstone, saw a bear, buffalos, waterfalls, geysers, hot springs, and had fun while doing it all. Our host families were amazing and welcoming, making the trip even better!

Thanks again to all of our friends in Montana who made this trip so great! We love you all and miss you already!!

Delight

These past two weeks have been loaded. Loaded with everything. I think I have felt just about every emotion there is in the book. From love, joy, hope, excitement, celebration, to wounds deep in my heart, discouragement, and pain.

God has reminded me once again that I don't have it all figured out. I can't control any of it. It's out of my hands and He doesn't need me to do one last bit of anything. Yet, in the brokenness He has reminded me, actually this is the first time that I have truly understood, that being broken, humble, and dependent on my face in the presence of our holy God is where He needs us SO He can use us. I always thought I knew that. I had no idea.

I wonder if He needed me here before He could show me what He truly has for me. I know He needed me here. I hate that I can be so stubborn that He has to take away my greatest joys to sometimes hold me closest. Yet, here He has shown me His love. Our jealous God wants all of us. When He has us closest is then when He can show us what all is in store amidst this great love of His. As I stay close to Him, I pray that He reconciles those things once again. I am sorry for being so stubborn.

Psalm 37:3-7 has been on my lips and heart this week.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the just of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..."